I've realized that one of the disciplines that's being worked on right now is perseverance. I have a tendency to try to shuck off things that aren't going well. It's not a bad thing, it's good to clean up non-working parts of your life.
But in this case, to start shucking off things would be very damaging. I have to sit with the difficulty and the unknowing. I can't write creditors and tell them when I'll pay because I have no idea. I can't dump my job because I need its flexibility.
It's a very tough place to be. To just sit with nothing to say and no amount of knowing. It's sheer fingernails' grip faith.
It's learning to wait on God. Wait when everything screams MOVE!
Oh God, rise up. How long can I sit? How long can I stay silent as You are silent? Rise up and answer, my only hope is You.
D
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